"Here comes the word that guys hate - Friendzoned!" He told me.
That's a simple statement that my best buddy told me the other day on Whatsapp. I have to admit, this sentence is simple - I mean, it's not as complicated as a line that came out from Shakespeare's work, yet, it's quite hard to digest the real meaning behind that key word.
Ever since he told me that sentence, it had been stuck in my head, quite literally because I personally am unable to understand it thoroughly and it bothers me. However, today, my friend
Elissa shared an interesting article on FB (you can read it
HERE) that caught my attention, which is also the reason why I am triggered to get my ass down to write a wordy post.
Whether it is the word
friendzone or
friendzoned, it's quite remarkably true that these 2 words have skyrocketed to fame these days, typically in this decade
and especially among the teenagers or the twenties.
According to
Wikipedia.org, friendzone refers to a "platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable or dreaded situation by the lovelorn person".
On the other hand,
Urban Dictionary seems to put much of the blame on girls for friendzoning guys. It says "what you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, 'you're such a good friend'".
To be honest, it's kinda true that we often discover that guys are the ones who tend to use or even abuse the word "friendzone", but it doesn't mean that girls don't complain about being friend-ed as well. It's just unfair for girls to be always made out as the bad guys in this context. Because either way round, both guys AND girls have the capability of friendzoning one another.
Some may argue that girls should take the blame because they are the ones who do it more frequently and more obviously. However, why don't you ask yourself when it comes to relationship issues, do you want things to be clear cut or ambiguous?!
I personally, hate things to go down the ambiguous way, because it just gives you too much false hopes. Things like "maybe I stand a chance", "maybe I should give him/her more time", stuffs like that are no different from an endless series of mind games and mind fucks.
People say that when a girl tells a guy "Aww you're so sweet, I hope to find a boyfriend like you next time" and things like that is the passage to the friendzone mafia that you'll never get out. It's as if she's slamming a door directly in your face that says "YOU ARE SO OUT OF THE GAME".
However, I don't quite get the idea of putting all the blame on the girl when she says such things. In my opinion, this is better than being turned down directly upon a confession. Somehow, this saves a guy's pride and it saves the friendship as well. To some extent, this indirect way of rejecting you guarantees that there won't be any awkwardness among you guys. I know it's unfortunate for a devoted guy to be hurt like this, but at least it shows that the girl does appreciates him - it's just that she doesn't accept him as a lover (perhaps because there's no chemistry?); she truly does wants you as a friend and is not taking you for granted at all.
I don't know whether the "interpretations" above are valid, but at least, that's what I think though. If you insist on crying over the word "friend", then I don't think there's anything I can say anymore :/
Admit it girls, we all gossip among our besties and there's definitely a statement like this that pops out of no where "WHY ARE YOU SINGLE WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY CUTE CLOSE GUY FRIENDS?!"
Cute yet Close and they are guys!
It's rational enough to draw an assumption that there's possibility for a girl to pick an ideal man to be her boyfriend among those cute close guy friends, right?! :p
And most likely, the answer you will get is probably.... "Yeah they are my close friends, I love them, but they are just like my brothers!"
That's the Game Over score. The key word --> BROTHERS. Seem to me that this kind of statement is going to be listed in the sins/crimes list very soon. It wasn't until last year that I finally came to realization that saying this is just like saying I'm friendzoning you. And that fact alone, in this era, is a crime. Nuff said.
I've heard people saying that whenever girls say this kind of things, it's just a downright rejection that she thinks she can pull off making herself all innocent and angelic. Or some people consider that this is an indirect way of saying "You're important, just not important enough to me". However, I don't quite agree with that.
I have to obediently (or guiltily) admit that I personally do say such things to my guy friends a lot. My favourites are "You're just like a brother to me" and calling them "Bro...Bro..." In fact, I think I tell all of my close guy friends the very same things.
First of all, I want to clarify that I'm not saying these kind of things to them because they are after me nor am I trying to draw the borderline and rejecting them or any kind of things like that.
It's just that I feel more secure when I treat my guy friends as brothers. And, I wish to explain a bit the meaning of friendzone for girls. I mean, in this context, my very own perspective of friendzone, as a girl :p
I actually have no intention of labeling my close guy friends as those "IN THE FRIEND ZONE", but I gain security for categorizing them as brothers because to me, brothers are like family. They are forever. But boyfriends are not. Even husbands nowadays are not forever as well - there are divorce cases everywhere every day.
(ps: when I'm saying brothers in this post, I'm referring to those super close good guy buddies/friends and not those biologically related male siblings)
Brothers are just different. Instead of the logic that some morons made by saying "brothers are important but not important enough to be your lover", *excuse me* to me, it's the exact opposite.
Brothers are important, too important until you can't risk your friendship doing something that you can't guarantee whether it will last forever.
That's the reason why I love them as brothers.
And according to my girl friends, that's also the reason why I'm forever single *face palm*
Let me share a personal story with you, you may feel that I'm the stupidest moron ever after reading xD
I had 2 ex-crushes. Note: EX. I don't like them that way anymore right now. When I was still going all gaga over those guys, I tend to address them as "bro" as well.
At that point, my girl friends told me, that act was just suicidal, but I couldn't care that much. That is equivalent to friendzoning yourself and the guy before your relationship develops!
We started off as friends > close friends > really really good friends. Well, some once-in-a-while flirts are unavoidable (is that even a valid argument LOL) But no matter how close we were, I still called those guys "bro".
As much as I liked them, I didn't have the guts to risk my amazing friendship with them by doing something out of the boundaries. People tell me "It's completely okay for a girl to confess to the guy she likes". I have the guts to confess (to be absolutely honest), just that I don't have the guts to bear the consequences after the confession because I can't guarantee if those guys liked me that way or not. If they liked me that way, perhaps I would've been in a relationship by now. But if they didn't like me that way, our friendship would've been long gone by now.
Well, some said that "if he/she avoids you after the confession, then he/she is not worth it in the first place". But ask yourself....WHY RUIN THE EQUILIBRIUM?! That's one thing I always remind myself, why should I ruin the equilibrium?! Is it really worth it?!
When you go from strangers > friends > close friends > lovers. That's a pretty magically amazing thing that seems too good to be true. But what about from lovers > strangers?! What do think of that?! Devastating isn't it? Many people have said "Let's just be good friends after the break-up", but how many truly stayed as friends after that. To some extent, that just ridiculously sounds like "Hey don't bleed after I cut you with a knife!"
I don't know whether it's because of my fault for not being courageous enough to take that bet, but one thing I know for sure, these 2 guys are still my good friends up till today. My first crush still contacts me and we still discuss about assignments and homework together; my 2nd crush now has a girlfriend and is treating me like his little sister and his girlfriend is also like a caring big sister to me.
Anyway, as my girl friends worry about me for friendzoning/brotherzoning every good guy that comes in my life, I can't deny the fact that sometimes I too worry about this issue too. Perhaps one day I will decide to pluck up my courage and confess to him. However, while waiting for this day to come, I guess I still prefer the guys to take the move. If he knows me well, he will know that if he takes the move, even if I were to reject him, I would definitely still treat him as the brother he had always been to be. Forgive the girls for being a coward, but they also wish that you can show that they are worth your courage as well.
So...in short, as much as I am tired of being single, I'm still waiting patiently for a guy who knows me well enough to know what I have in my mind ^^ That sounds pretty fair isn't it?
Frankly speaking, some girls (I saw on Twitter/Tumblr) said that they can't imagine dating their best buddy, but for me, that's one of the sweetest things ever because he will understand you the most and knows how to handle you at all times. He would be there for you, just like how he had always been, always and forever. And believe me, girls DO fall for guys who belong to the friend zone! Unless they are ignorant enough to even treat you as a guy, you always stand a chance to dazzle them with your manly characteristics.
The main reason for me to painstakingly spent my whole afternoon writing such a long ass topic is because I hope to stop guys putting all the blames on girls for friendzoning them. As well as, stop treating the word friendzone as a taboo that is somehow venomous.
Sometimes, the meaning of friendzoning/brotherzoning varies from person to person and it all depends on how that typical interpret it. You never know how to read a girl's mind. It's way too complicated than you've ever imagineD ;)
Stop using the word Friendzone as an excuse. And things like
these <---- don't give a shit! They aren't reliable. At least for a girl like me xD
So I hope I did manage to clear
some of your doubts.
Hope those singles out there manage to get out of Friendzones and get together during this upcoming Valentines ♥ And to myself as well *laughs*
LEARN FROM RONALD WEASLEY! HAHAHA HAPPY VALENTINES IN ADVANCE PEOPLE ♥
☮ Quote to share:-
Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it ~C. JoyBell C.
Email: fionism@yahoo.com
