2017 So Far

It's been 6 months since I last blogged. Little did I know 6 months could fly just like that *snap*

Looking back, it definitely feels more than 6 months.

So much was going in my life in the past 6 months and it wasn't till 3 Saturdays ago I had my first ever no-schedule day all to myself.

Here's my biggest attempt to recap everything.

January 2017 caught me off-guard when the Aussie government suddenly increased the minimum points required for their skilled migration visa applications. Since then, everything was just a hot mess. 1 week before I headed back home to Malaysia to visit my family, I made two major decisions - enrolled in the Professional Year programme and the Naati paraprofessional interpreter exam.

To be honest, looking back, I have absolutely NO idea how did I manage to afford paying for all these let alone surviving through them. Those two cost me more than 10 grand - I paid every single cent on my own.

But, what else can I do? I really want to get the permanent residency in Australia. Thus, the only solution was to suck it up and hustle through.

Right after I got back from Malaysia, I enrolled in another external course that prepped me for the Naati parapofessional interpreter exam. That took place on every Saturday from 10-5pm. On the other hand, the Professional Year programme runs every Sunday from 9-5pm. I was, still am working full time from 8.30-5pm from Monday to Friday and occasionally a few Saturday shifts.

Believe me when I say this, anytime, anywhere, I'd choose work over exams and studies!

Right after Naati exam ended, it was the time to get my shit together and study for the level CFA exam in June which I enrolled last year when I got my first ever paycheck.

CFA was really hectic. By this time, I was at the brink of going insane. Not too literally but you get the gist of it... I love working in banking and finance in real life but when it comes to studying for a Finance exam, I'll sum it up in one word: SUICIDAL. I was never good at Finance exams. Although things made more sense this time around considering that I have been in banking for quite a while, I didn't have the fire of passion burning in me.

On top of that, I had to find a new place to move. Because most of my friends had renewed their leases at the start of the year and also because most friends moved back to their home countries after graduation, there's basically nobody whom I could see as a potential flatmate. The last resort was to go onto flatmates.com or whatever random websites and put myself out there to find a potential flatmate. For me, this was the most pathetic and desperate situation that I got myself into, EVER. I was disgusted to my bone marrow! It's the feeling of begging your ex ex ex ex boyfriend to patch back with you.

I started to recognise the fact that having a full time job is not good enough. Working hard is not hard enough. Everything's stagnant. Being so tied up by a crazy schedule indirectly made me complacent and lost focus in life because my goal switched to completing everything on the schedule and that's a happy day! I felt as if the whole world was going to collapse on me. As if I had a thousand invisible dementors around me sucking my soul out of me. I was lost but also dead, in the inside. "Stucked", "quarter-life crisis" or whatever you label it - that's the situation where I was in, though my personal description would be "FUCKED".

Thankfully, I was blessed enough to transfer to another workplace within the same company. The day when I was told that, I was so goddamn happy and I felt like a tiny beansprout that just had his "breakthrough" to the first exposure of sunlight after being in a bean for ages.

I did consider skipping the exam because the idea of hustling through and "try your luck, who knows what the outcome will be" scared the shit out of me, big time. Perhaps suffocating is the better word choice. Still...after a few cry-babe sessions and tonnes of whinging, I continued with my studies.

Right before the CFA exam, the paraprofesional interpreter results came back and I failed by 2 marks! Fuck my life big time. At that time, I didn't even know what should I feel. I didn't cry, to my very own astonishment, because I didn't even have the time to register the fact that I failed the exam that could potentially cost me to be thrown out of Australia in my head.

Very quickly, I submitted a request to have my Naati results reviewed BUT I also decided to place all my bet on the table by enrolling in the "internal" Naati at the same time as my backup plan because I couldn't afford to sit around and waste for things to happen. I have come too far to bear this risk by not going all out.

For those who don't know, the "internal" Naati is just like a diploma. Unlike the official Naati exam where you figure things out on your own and sit for the exam with all fingers and toes crossed that you could successfully pass it, "internal" Naati is basically like enrolling in a 1 unit of subject at college. You have to go to classes, submit assignments, fulfill in-class assessments and etc. This cost me 3.2K...

Adulting life is struggling to find a way to pay everything you have to pay, priotize your payments and trying to squeeze out some money for savings.

I guess the saying "the bitter has to come before the sweet" is legit because one of my friends suddenly texted me and asked "are you still looking for an apartment because I'm thinking of moving out". Fast forward through those apartment hunting shit and trying to sweet-talk the property agents to let me secure a place without having to go for an inspection, I finally sorted out the lease of our new place.

Then, for the next few weeks, my life consisted of 3 things ONLY - work and CFA and a list of miscellaneous to-dos.

Miraculously...I managed to walk out of the CFA exam hall alive.

Reaching for the remote control to fast forward things again, after CFA, I finally had the time to get my nails, eyebrows and facial done and had my first ever shopping in 2017. The rest of the time was spent decluttering and packing.

5th July I moved into the new apartment and spent around 1 or 2 weeks trying to put the place together. Then the Naati results came back with a PASS!! I was sick at that time but with the "PASS" in hand, I rolled out of the bed regardless and headed to the "internal" Naati to withdraw myself from their exams and also to submit my EOI (expression of interest) for my Aussie permanent residency visa.

Just when I thought that it's time for me to slowly reap what I sowed, I failed CFA. Found out about this at 4am and balled my eyes out. Eventually I went to work with black smokey eye makeup to work so I could cover up my goldfish eyes.

Technically speaking, I consider this the very first time I fail an exam in my 23 years of life. It hit me hard but at the same time, I didn't have the desire to do it again even though I believe if I were to do it again I would be able to pass it this time...Just that...I don't know, I can't picture myself doing it anymore, at least not in the near future. I want to stop having something hanging behind my head and waking up everyday living from one to-do list to another to-do list.

After I talked to a few friends about it, I decided to hide it from my mom first because I knew deep down that I wasn't ready to do it again and I was so petrified at the thought of her telling me to re-do it again. As much as it kills me hiding things from my mom (I'm the worst at lying to mommy since I was a kid), I also knew that I'm old enough to make decisions on my own and bear with the consequences of my choices. Nevertheless, at this point of my life, I really do not have the tiniest bit of desire to work on something just because I have to but not because I want to.

Although I feel apologetic towards my mom, I am not really sorry. On the contrary, I'm ultimately thankful to her when she told me to retake IF I'm ever ready to do it again myself. Also, thankful that she is starting to treat me like an adult.

As a pick-me-up, I plunged myself into building something that I have been wanting to do for quite some time. While I felt stuck in life earlier this year, I decided to start an online business.

I was, still am pretty clueless with whatever I am doing but I know after all these crap that I went through in the past 1.5 years, I want to do something for myself. Owning a business has always been a fascinating idea of mine. I want to create something that represents me and that belongs to me. Something that its value is way beyond success or failure - because it's something that I build from scratch myself and nobody can take it away from me.

Something like the fox that the Little Prince tamed and the rose that he took care of on planet B612.

I'm stoked to share that I'm building a clothing ecommerce store and it's launching really soon!!!!!

Sign up for the newsletter to be the first to know when the shop goes live!!!

Here's a little sneak peak - the first ever product that I've introduced to anyone!

Basically, this is a one-girl show. I'm the purchaser, the photo editor, the designer, the admin, the photographer ... EVERYTHING. I am putting my heart and soul into it but I am also blessed with many talented and smart people around me who have helped me in the process of putting together this big puzzle. The process would've been horrendous without you all!!!! You guys know who you are and ya all know that I love you from the very bottom of my heart 

Another thing to share is that...I also decided to chase the dream that I have been putting off for 7 years! 7 goddamn years!

Looking back I can't believe why on earth did I put off a dream for THIS long!!!

One of the most surreal shits that I have experienced in my life. I swear I was at the brink of bursting into tears. All these years of "BIG TALKS", finally...I am going to Korea!!!!! FOR HALF A MONTH!!!!! 

7 years of waiting for THE PERFECT moment to go to Korea, I decided to not wait any longer. If you know me through social media or in real life, I am a huge Korean fanatic since I fell for Jung Yong Hwa oppa in 2011 and thus I fell in love with Korea, the place where my man lives! I'm going to be stepping on the same piece of land with him AHHH ♥

Perfect moments never exist in real life, what we can do is to take the leap of faith and create moments as perfect as possible ourselves. Many things in life are now or never, so don't wait anymore. Let things free fall and have faith in yourself along the way. 

I know it's easier said than done but going through life is not an easy process, thus when we come across anything that we desire, make sure to believe in yourself and work hard for it. Despite the fact that results are not always guaranteed, you will be surprised by what life has to offer - it might not be right away but someday it will. I believe it that. 

For me, although it took 7 years, this is also the first time I'm travelling solo and one thing that I am proud of is that despite paying for my rent, insurances and all these exams and list of crazy stuffs that I listed above, I am still able to afford to save a decent amount to go on this trip!

Dear Mom, IF you are reading this and before you get mad, I'd layover for a night in Malaysia to chill with you for a day or two before heading back to Melbourne!! 

2017 had been crazily stressful for me for the past 7 months but now I accept the fact that the power to change things around and create a life that I want lies within my own hands and nobody else's.

Choosing to do something that you want and believing in it is just like growing a seed. You can't control the sunlight, the air or other factors but make sure that you are putting your best effort in doing whatever you can to nourish it and have faith that it will bloom beautifully one day.

Fingers crossed for the luck to be on my side!!! AND YOUR SIDES TOO!!!

Post a Comment


Fionism . Theme by STS.